Headmaster Kuladore stood tall on a podium at the front of the dining hall, looking down upon his students.
“Welcome to another year at Hogwanks, sen!” he bellowed.
The students burst into thunderous applause.
“It is time to sort the first years into their houses…bring forth the Sorting Sock, sen!”
A white sports sock, crusty with age and use, was brought forward to the stage and sat delicately upon a table.
“Let the sorting commence, sen!”
And so Headmaster Kuladore began to call out the names of each of the new students, one by one.
“Prasadh Potter!”
Prasadh stood, and walked to the sock. He placed it gently upon his head.
The magical sock contemplated for a moment, then yelled “Yea nah fuck off cunt, this blokes not even a wizard!”
Prasadh Potter began to tremble with anxiety – “AGGNN IM A W-WIZZARD” he screamed, running for the door.
Professor Kuladore drew his wand, and began to wave it expertly.
“Hocus Pocus G’day, stop the boy who is flayed” he chanted.
I thin white stream of sticky fluid burst forth from the wand.
Kuladore had removed his robes, and was naked from the waist up.
His breasts were heavily oiled for some unknown reason – a controversial practice which he claimed enhanced his magical powers.
The white fluid engulfed Prasadh Potter, who fell to the floor, screaming like a wounded chimp.
It was time to resume the sorting process.
“Surath Magnum XXL”
Surath sat down fearfully, as the sock was lowered onto his head.
The sock thought for a moment…”This one’s no good either. Send him home I reckon”
Professor Kuladore flew into a rage – “Allllrighty there, fkn sock kent! Doesn’t even sort my students anymore just constantly rejects them, sen!”
Next, Hariharen placed the sock on his head.
The sock spoke “this kid’s drunk…put him in Professor Arnie’s house”
Profession Vinape rose from his seat. “Silence! Don’t play games…Yaaayse. You…try…….I am Vinape the Great……..”
Professor Arnie stood up “Vinape, just shuttup mate. You’re as bad as the sock. Just shut the fuck up”
Vinape drew his wand, pointing it at Arnie, and began to moan menacingly – ‘ooooooOoOoOoOOO000O0O0O0O0”
Headmaster Kuladore rose from his seat, trembling with fury. He was completely naked now, save for a tiny pair of off-white underwear.
He waved his wand left and right “Alrighty sen, alrighty when, I will rise to wank again!” he bellowed. A burst of pink light shot forth, looped back and struck Kuladores groin.
He instantly became erect. “Heahhh.. wrong spell, sen” he sighed.
Professor HP rose “Guys, lets just…” he paused, then began yelling “Yerr a wizard Harry! I mean, Prasadh!”. He then began to vomit.
Kuladore’s erection had grown to a monumental size, destroying tables and shattering plates. The dining hall was being evacuated of students by those of the Hogwanks staff who had not began fighting one another.
Vinape was still moaning “oOoooooOOO”, his wand glowing a dangerous shade of hot pink.
Professor Arnie had strolled to the bar, and cracked open a cold beer with young HV.
HP had stopped vomiting, and was working with the other staff to help control Kuladores enchanted erection.
Wands drawn and aimed at Kuladores outrageously overgrown magically enhanced erection, they all yelled “Flaccidious Saravanus!”
However Kuladore’s magic was too powerful…his erection too large.
Even Kuladore himself did not have the power to control his cock, which had taken on a life of its own.
They knew that the only way they could stop the erection growing, was to find the Socerers Sack.
Only the sack contained the power stop Kuladore’s powerful spell.
Surath stood up, raising his wand “ROONEEYYY”
Professor Arnie put down his beer “Mate, that’s not a spell. THIS is a spell”
He hurled a beer bottle at Surath, which contacted his head and shattered.