Attendees:
Saravana
Dushan
Vinay
Hariharen
Joey
HP
KD
PC
Surath
Geppi
Arnav
It is the time of reckoning – the final judgement of mankind.
11 men have been gathered around a circular table.
11 men were chosen, for 11 is the divine number whereby there are 2 of 1 and 1 of 2. It represents the underlying unity of good and evil.
They have been summoned by the definitive forces of good and evil – God and Satan.
The men have been given an enormously important task – preventing the end of the world.
In order to save the world, they must solve the divine riddle before them.
If they are able to solve the riddle, then the apocalypse will be delayed by another 1,000 years. If they fail to solve the problem before them, then the world will be swallowed in hellfire – Everyone and everything will be turned to ash.
They have 1 hour in which to solve the riddle.
The Riddle:
“Together we are 2, individually we are 1…side by side, we are perfection”
Saravana mused silently over the riddle. He scratched his groin – Slowly. Deliberately. Continuously. “Aaalllrighty there…”
Dushan was frowning in concentration. He looked up at Saras, and lost his temper – “Bro what the fuck, are you wanking?” Arnav began to laugh. The rest of the men looked on in silence. A deep dread had begun to settle on the group, as they realized just how immense their burden was. “This is fucked, the world is gonna burn” Dushan concluded.
Unable to contain himself any longer, Vinay joined the conversation.
“Don’t play games…” he sighed, seductively. The men all watched him with fascination, and just a hint of arousal. “OooOoooo…” he breathed a long, soothing, sexy sigh. All the men were watching him now – he had their full attention. “…In…DDeeeeeeddd” he purred, letting the word drip like sticky smooth honey from his tongue. Several of the men began to become semi-erect. “You…….tttrrrryyy” he groaned, his voice sweet and rich, his tone barely concealing a deep, aching sexual desire for a man’s touch. Several of the men were helplessly, hopelessly drawn to Vinay’s feminine charms. They sat in silence, watching him closely – unable to think or act.
“SNAP OUT OF IT, YOU FOOLS” barked Hariharen. “Can’t you see that Vinay is but a tool of the devil! He has been placed here to distract us, so that we fail to solve the riddle in time! He has been placed here to tempt us into sinful homosexuality!”
Hari’s slurred voice of alcohol-induced wisdom snapped the group out of their collective trance.
Joey began to speak – “GUYS. I’ve got it” he announced. The group watched him intently.
“In season 4, episode 3 of the Simpsons – Homer stops going to church. He initially has a great time at home, but eventually he sets his house on fire with a cigar – Hear me out…We should all smoke cigars, and that will ensure that …Wait…where was I going with this…”
HP interrupted “Shut the fuck up bro, that’s not helping”.
He pulled out his phone, and began to take a video for instagram.
“Just out here saving the world, 23 minutes from Armageddon!” he narrated joyfully, posting the video to Instagram with the hashtag “#Endofdays”.
KD, having head enough, began to speak – “Boys, we have 23 minutes left to save the world. Our families. Our gyms. Everything we love. I’d suggest we make a start. Let’s consider the riddle again – 2, 1, perfection together…What are people’s thoughts?” He looked quizzically around the room. Silence. In the distance, the deep, rumbling voice of the Devil echoed “ha ha ha…the world will burn, foolsss”
“Aaaanggghhh” PC shouted over the Devil. “Y-y-you sh-shall not PASS” PC wailed. A terrible, hot, ashy wind began to whip through the gazebo. PC stood from his chair, faced-forward into the firey wind – “Y..Y..YOU SHALL NOT PASS” he screamed, his hair and beard flailing in the wind. The Devil’s deep rumbling laugh could be heard, carried on hell’s winds – “fiivee minutes, the worllldd will BURRRNNNN”
Surath sat quietly. He squinted against the head of the hell wind, and lit a cigar. He shuffled in his seat, adjusting his suit, which was tightly buttoned against his stout body. He puffed gently on his Cuban, contemplating the situation. He felt surprisingly calm. It seemed as though his anxieties about life had left him, now that they all faced certain death. He smiled quietly, savoring the rich tobacco.
Geppi sat red-eyed, taking in the terrifying scene. Ash and debris was flying through the air. “Onneee miinnuute” the Devil laughed…Geppi had realized that they were doomed, a long time ago. Even at the 58 minute mark, when he had looked around the table, he had seen the look of perplexed defeat. Of Absolute hopelessness on the boy’s faces. He looked around once more, at his childhood friends. He raised a glass of scotch, and shouted over the rising winds “BOYS! ITS AN HONOUR TO DIE AT YOUR SIDE!” A single, happy tear, rolled silently down his cheek.
Arnav realized that the end was near. “Gentlemen! Let us remember this life not for its failures, but for its joys!”
The deep booming voice of the devil spoke again, louder than before “Tennn seecconndsss…yourrr souullss, thee souulllss offf maann, will burrrnn inn etterrnaall fllaammeee”
Arnav smiled. “DEATH COMES FOR US! TELL ME MEN, WHAT WILL YOU MISS THE MOST?”
Saravana stood, tearing off his shirt. He raised his head high, and shouted into the heavens – “TITS!”
Suddenly the hell wind stopped.
Instantly, a quiet calm descended over the gazebo.
The men looked around in confusion. They began to cheer and clap, lighting cigars and sipping whiskies. The smiled and laughed, shook hands and congratulated one another – not one of them realizing, even for a moment, that Saravana had just saved the world for another 1,000 years.