The year is 2036. A series of scientific breakthroughs has allowed mankind to revive dinosaurs from extinction. The beasts have been contained to a remote island, and are on display for tourists.
One fine day, PAM, feeling particularly adventurous, decided to take a group holiday to the newly opened Jurassic Park – a marvel of modern science. “Guys, let’s go to Jurassic Park” suggested HP. “Aight aight aight” Surath agreed almost instantly. “Alllllrighty there…you go to your little park” Saravana declared, clearly not excited by the idea. PC looked around the room fearfully – he didn’t want to defy HP and Surath, nor did he want to leave poor Kula singled out as the only non-enthusiastic member. “What do you think PC?” asked HP cautiously. PC delicately stroked his disgustingly dirty beard, before making his careful decision – “There’s no harm in seeing what it’s like”. And so it was settled. They would all travel to Jurassic Park. Little did they know, that there was harm…SIGNIFICANT harm, in seeing what it was like…
All 4 men sat huddled in the back of a helicopter. The engines roared, as they flew at speed across the vast ocean. They all wore intercom headphones, to be able to talk over the noise. “Excuse me, are we nearly there?” HP asked the pilot. The pilot did not respond – instead, he continued to suck on his beer – one of several which he had downed since take-off 3 hours earlier. Saravana sat motionless, staring blankly ahead. Surath fidgeted uncomfortably…he felt a growing sense of uncontrollable panic at the fact that their pilot was clearly heavily inebriated. PC gazed across the ocean, enjoying the moment, his filthy beard flapping in the wind. “Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to land. Welcome to Jurassic Park, where nothing can possibly…” the pilot vomited heavily out of the open window. The rushing air outside the chopper caused the vomit to fly straight into the backseat of the chopper, and into PC’s beard. “AAGNNN” PC cried in shock and rage. “Look what you’ve done to my beard Arnav, you alcoholic! You’ll crash the chopper!”
Arnav laughed. “I’ve been flying a long time PC, you’ve got nothing to worry about mate. And your beard was putrid long before I vomited on it”.
At that moment, Surath began to vomit on himself, from pure anxiety at the situation.
HP vomited on Kula. The puke flowed down Kula’s chest, like a river between two enormous mountains. Kula sat expressionless. Surath heaved and vomited again, this time vomiting directly into PC’s lap. “AANNGG I jizzed” PC announced, then began vomiting. Kula vomited heavily on HP. “What the fuck Kula! Vomit Baba” HP laughed.
“I jizzed…twice” PC announced sombrely. The men went silent.
“…Holy sweet mother of Christ, we’re out of fuel. I’m landing this thing. Mayday, mayday” Arnav sent the chopper into a steep descent. The landing was rough. All 5 men climbed out of the chopper, into the jungle. The sun shone bright, and the humidity was unbearable. The jungle was thick and the drone of flying insects filled the air. Arnav dragged a huge esky out of the cockpit “now fellas, we’ve got a 3 day trek to the base. Someone help me carry this esky, it’s a 2 man job”.
“Kula, what are you doing?” Surath asked.
Saravana had climbed back into the wreckage of the helicopter, and closed the door. He had his back turned to the men, and was laying still. PC walked to the chopper, peaked in through the window, stared for a few seconds, then returned to the group. “What’s Kula doing? Is he OK?” asked HP with an expression of concern. “He’s streaming porn and wanking” PC announced. Surath began to panic “what the fuck? Seriously man. We just crashed in this dinosaur jungle, and he’s wanking. What’s wrong with him? There’s dinosaurs out here man, Arnav are there dinosaurs out here?”
Arnav finished gulping his beer, and threw the bottle violently into the wreckage of the chopper. It crashed and shattered loudly. “I’m not gonna lie to you Surath, there’s a lot of dinosaurs out here. But the chopper sent out a distress signal before we crashed. My friend is a dinosaur expert and hunter – he should be here any moment”. As if by magic, the bush parted, and a tall man wearing full military (reserves) gear, with a rifle slung over his shoulder, walked into the gathering. “Arnav! You son of a bitch!” declared the stranger with a smile. They shook hands, and Arnav handed him an ice cold beer. “Welcome the party Vinay” Arnav said.
Kula climbed out of the chopper. He wore an expression of satisfied shame. Perhaps the high-stress situation caused him to revert to the behaviour that was most comfortable and most comforting to him…like a baby sucks it’s thumb when it’s hungry, or a dog licks its paws when it’s in pain…Kula pulls himself to exceedingly depraved high-definition fetish pornography. We are all creatures of habit, searching desperately for the warmth and comfort which the world so often unjustly denies us. Kula’s auto-erotic behaviour is not shameful. He is a proud, noble, magnificent man. A man of courage and fortitude. A man who is not afraid to pleasure himself in public.
All 6 men gathered by the wreaked chopper.
The sun was setting.
A loud roar somewhere in the distance, cut through the steady drone of insects.
“Brace yourselves chaps…” Vinay warned, pulling his rifle out and loading it. “It’s going to be a hell of a night…”
To be Continued…