“Well Gobba’, I tell ya’. I’m gob smacked what we is’ to do for the next 4 months aye” Said Saralax as he snacked on a cheeseburger. The two of them had been wandering through the woods for 4 days now, and supplies were running low. Saralax pounded down the final remnant of his arsenal of cheeseburgers that he had packed for the journey. Vinnie hadn’t eaten in the last day. Chances of finding this great fighting sage the two had set out to were growing slim. But just as their hope was waning thin – on a looming sunset, it happened. They both sensed an ancient, natural energy approaching them. Insects were magnetised and moving in the direction of this energy at their feet, birds flying in circles in the sky. Animals peered out of their bushy homes, as if a companion of the forest was approaching. A man emerged.
His bushy, black hair was as wild as the jungle itself. His beard had not been tended to in many years. He had a stocky physique and was slightly below average height. His clothes were a little dishevelled. He was holding a crudely carved spear in one hand and a small cat in the other. The latter of which gave away his identity. This Great Cat Sage that Saralax and Vinnie had sought out had emerged from the shadows at long last.
“Kneel…my sons, and Introduce myself to you, I will” he muttered in a low, raspy voice. It was as though he had expected them. They both collapsed to their knees, largely from exhaustion. “Santiago, Am I. Santiago Dharmatilake. In this jungle, long have I trained. If it is power you seek, Speak the reasons for why…” he continued.
Saralax was the first to respond to Santiago’s question.
“Jeez Louis, Gobba’. I barely understood yee. I want Maccas, is what I want. I want Maccas and to find me a new Leelz. That Bastard Shabz, He took my precious Leelz. Oi Gobba’, where is the closest Maccas roun’ here anywhere aye??”
“Know not, what this “Gobba” and “Maccas” you speak of is. Santiago, am I. Know nothing, you do – large one. Meditate on your goal, you must. Your true purpose, come to you then it will”
It seemed that Saralax was without words. McDonalds did not exist in the deserted jungles far from society. Surely, this news did not surprise him thought Vinnie to himself. But the look of pure bafflement meant that was apparently not the case. He looked completely forlorn and quivering at the prospect of training without the one thing on this earth that truly completed him.
“Fukn’ LeBron!” Saralax cursed in rage.
Vinnie was the second to respond to the Cat Sage.
“Long have I heard tales of your greatness, O-great Cat Sage. My purpose in pursuing greater strength is to destroy my enemies. All who have mocked me, shall by crushed by the weight of my vengeance…” Said Vinnie, emblazoned by the passion of both vengeance and the humiliation of his staggeringly brief defeats.
“Vengeance…,”muttered the Cat Sage…,”Maccas?…Leelz…?”.
The wise old Jungle man then stood in silence, as if in deep contemplation. The small cat randomly purred in his arms. He began stroking it gently, caressing it with a touch that revealed a true bond between the two. Something that seemed much stronger than a bond between man and pet. The small cat’s eyes looked on their guests quizzically, than back at the Cat Sage. “Worthy, the two of you may not be. However, Your Sensei I will be. But much you have to learn”.
Both Saralax and Vinnie were still kneeling before this mysterious Feline hermit. He was as the stories had described. “Only The Great Goddess Missy, can guide humanity to salvation. And…should she see it fit, give us the power to vanquish our foes. The two of you shall train under her will – and I shall serve as her hands.”
“Sensei Santiago…” The two warriors spoke respectfully. He nodded at them, and continued to stroke his cat. And stroke it well he did…
~
The Training that ensued in the following months was difficult and trying. Sensei Santiago first set the two of them to catch his cat, Missy, which proved to be a more difficult than expected in a jungle. She was nimble and wary. It took each of them an entire month before they were agile enough for the task.
They lived initiailly off high protein cat-food and water. Saralax was already looking leaner and fitter within a week. He hated it. “Fkn’ LeBron” He’d always say. Who or what this LeBron was, neither Santiago nor Vinnie knew. Perhaps too many years secluded from the real world meant missing such meanings.
The two eventually learned to hunt their own food in the jungle through sheer necessity. Their skills in nature were growing and their primal spirit was coming to life. They often sparred against one another at night to further improve their combat skills. Sadly for young Vinnie, Saralax was a truly indomitable foe. His sheer size made him invulnerable to any real damage. The end result was always the same. Saralax would sit on Vinnie and crush him half to death. It was weight training…in a far more horrific form.
Learning the art of Feline-Fu was a different ball game altogether. It involved a lot of sudden pouncing, heavy evasion and utilising ones natural abilities. Their nails were long and sharpened to slash at foes. They drank some “tonic” concocted by Sensei Santiago which he called “Missy’s Blessing”. Neither Saralax nor Vinnie wanted to further clarify what that meant and contained. The taste was horrific enough to give them vivid ideas.
They continued sparred against each other, and two on one against their teacher. Little by little, the two warriors became stronger and faster.
~
3 months of training time had passed. A month remained. Both Saralax and Vinnie had grown immensely in this time. Speed, strength and stamina were on a new level. They had even sparred against the sensei on an even fighting ground individually now. As a reward, their sensei agreed to show them one final move he had withheld from them thus far.
Sensei Santiago had brought them by a tranquil waterfall hidden somewhere in the depths of their new home. It felt like the harmonic centre of the jungle. He bode them to wait patiently and sat on the ground, in a meditative stance. His eyes closed and he sat there for a good 7 minutes in perfect silence. It felt like the winds around them had grown stronger. The water was moving faster in the waterfall. The grass was blowing all around their sensei…what was he doing? The environment around them seemed like it was coming to life.
His eyes suddenly opened.
Santiago had whiskers protruding from his face. His eyes had become similar to that of his cat. His body had grown slightly hairier and his ears seemed sharpened, again much like a cat. He purred softly, and Missy purred with him. Saralax laughed. Vinnie also smirked, but something was twisting in his stomach. His instincts were acting up. He was…afraid.
“Feline…Mode!” Whispered Santiago softly. Both Saralax and Vinnie were unsure how to react, but before they could even blink – their teacher had closed the 10 metre gap between them and sunk his fists into each of their guts. They could barely see him move…and the force of the punch was the most pain Vinnie had ever felt in his life…